Boston Career Coach

Posts Tagged ‘boston career coach’

You Want More Meaning from Your Work

Monday, December 12th, 2011

You want Altruism

work life balance Altruistic, self-sacrificial, and humanistic. They all mean the same thing but can you truly relate to any of these words?

No doubt, these words can seem daunting for most people. It is hard to self-describe yourself as altruistic and you probably think of people, so-called humanitarians, saints, or an eleemosynary who spend all of their time trying to make the world a better place. Don’t worry, you can still be an altruist without staging protests, buying organic or volunteering. What you actually need to do is make the conscious decision to align your personal values and ideals with your actions. Do not say you believe in something and then turn your back on that belief when action is necessary. One area this can take place is by creating a balance between your work and personal life. When this happens, you will be able to find a deeper sense of personal fulfillment and accomplishment in every area of your life.

This sounds easier said than done. Unfortunately, finding this balance or alignment can be difficult and help may be necessary. A major problem is that we often separate our work selves from the rest of ourselves, and it often happens that our actions on the job are the opposite or run counter to the ideals we truly believe in. Have you ever met the eco-activist who works for the chemical plant or a health nut that serves you at McDonalds? What about the pharmaceutical salesman who only takes herbal remedies? This type of individual, and the many others who struggle to stay true to themselves, need to bridge the gap in the separation of their lives and decide what important issues they actually believe. Once they can take this step, they can begin to practice what they preach.

While the examples provided above are to the extreme, the split is often not that obvious. It can simply come in the form of a working mom who wishes she could spend more time with her kids instead of traveling for work, or an ad designer who works adamantly but doesn’t believe in the product he sells. It is this type of internal conflict that can also cause people to feel unbalanced. They feel tied to their work despite the doubts that inflict them. They may be lured by the great benefits package, or the golden handcuff of an executive salary or maybe it is just simple convenience. For whatever reason, this disconnect is the cause of conflict and creates stress.

If you feel an imbalance between your work self and your altruistic self, maybe it is time to think about what is causing this disconnect and begin shifting your career perspective and that is what I am here for. My BRIDGE program can help you align your ideals with your professional goals and create the balance you desire. You don’t need to have your personal definition of altruism ready when you begin the process with me. You just have to know that you’re ready for change!

If you want to begin to define your altruistic self and find a more fulfilling work life consider visiting me at http://coachdq.com/. I look forward to hearing from you!

Coach DQ’s Challenge

This week take some time to reflect on your beliefs and ideals. Do they match how you live your life at home and at work? Are there any BRIDGES in your life that need to be closed? Pick one ideal that you want to focus on and make sure you take steps of actions towards living that ideal. At the end of the week, reassess how you feel. Has it made a difference in your life?

The Greatest Advancement Tool You’ll Ever Have

Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

traits When you look in the mirror, the reflection looking back at you is the greatest advancement tool you’ll ever have at your disposal. Yourself!

Each of our inherent strengths make us exceptionally qualified for everything we do. They are always unique to our individual selves and this makes each of us a wanted commodity. The qualities that come naturally to us are our best resources, they are already there just waiting to be accessed and put to use. Once we are able to do this, which may take some help, it will be these resources that we will have the greatest potential of excelling with.

It is difficult to really understand the actually worth of your individual abilities and talents. Unfortunately, most people undervalue what they can bring to a situation, either because they have not yet discovered what their defining abilities exactly are or because they don’t understand how to use them. Either way, you are missing out! Even the skills that you feel couldn’t possibly help your performance, if applied properly and creatively, may actually help you get the edge over everyone else. For example, if you’re a tech junkie, why not start an e-mail or Blackberry marketing campaign to enhance your company’s visibility? If your friends call you “Betty Crocker” or “Mr. Maître d” you could use those hosting skills to your benefit by moderating the next company meeting or organizing this month’s event for your networking group?

Not only can your abilities be developed to become a great asset, but also your own personality traits. These traits are another positive feature you already inherently possess — what a bonus! If you can distinguish your strengths and weaknesses and discover how to properly apply your personality traits you will be able to make every situation work for you! Take, for example, all of the shy people in the workforce. Individuals with a more reserved personality can still march into a group setting and use this towards their advantage. Instead of being a wallflower at your next event, use your one-on-one focus and brilliant memory when talking with people. Talk to a small number of people, or with individual people, and give them all of your attention. While you are conversing, file away a few bits of information about each person. The next time you see them, you’ll have a ready store of conversation-starters, and your co-workers will feel truly valued. It’s all about having the right perspective and using all your personality traits to your advantage.

So, the next time you walk by a mirror, don’t just notice your outer appearance but reflect on the abilities and traits you possess inward and make a pact with yourself to use them to your advantage.

Coach DQ’s Challenge

As you approach this week, write down at least three of your strongest traits. Be specific, and be honest. This can range as anything from being sociable and practical to being an extreme risk-taker. Are you supremely organized, or do the little details drag you down? Regardless of the trait and whether or not these traits are related to your current job field, make sure you physically write them down on paper. Even if you don’t realize it, these traits are the tools you work with on a daily basis.

Once you have decided on the three traits you’d like to focus on, pick one trait and come up with a way to use it creatively as part of your game plan this week. Try to apply it to an area that has been frustrating to you – you may be surprised by what you come up with.

Do you have a Life Purpose?

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

Have you ever had a dream where you are lost wandering down an endless road? The road seems to have neither a beginning nor end? You are stuck walking and walking but are going nowhere, you are disconnected from both ends. Now, when you wake, do you realize that you can parallel this dream with your life? Do you feel like there is an endless road, a disconnect between what you do for a living and what you want to do because it makes you feel good; your life purpose.

Why do you feel so disconnected from one aspect of your life to another? Why has what you do for a living become so unexciting? Take for example your school days. You often had the opportunity to pick one class you actually wanted to take – gym, music, art, or woodworking. You looked forward to that class every day because it was fun. All of a sudden, math has become your favorite class. Why? The teacher took boring, old math and made it fun with examples, team building questions, and games. The class you thought would be the most ‘work’ has turned out to be the most fun! You need start focusing on how you can make your work fun.

If all you think about each day is jetting out from behind your desk then you are probably not living your life’s purpose. You probably enjoy your work, but it does not fulfill the deeper hopes and dreams you see for yourself. This can often lead to a large disconnect and the feeling of leading more than one life, a two-face, showing one side at home and the other side at work. This is both energy and time consuming, and you need to refocus on your life’s purpose.

We all feel a deeper sense of purpose in our life and are drawn to activities that make us forget the hard work. This is your life purpose – a calling to do things that speak to your core values and goals. Your purpose can be many things ranging from raising your children, leading your department at work, volunteering with charities or spending your days photographing beautiful scenery. You feel drawn to your purpose like it has chosen you specifically. This is true because your purpose is part of your identity and you are drawn so strongly towards that purpose that you cannot deny the connection.

The dilemma then becomes how can you make your daily work and your life purpose become one, how can they no longer be disconnected? How do you bring the two ends of the road closer together? How can you make your work fulfill or contribute towards your life purpose?

Coach DQ’s Challenge

Take time this week, 10 or 15 minutes, to sit down and reflect inwardly. Reflect on what you consider your life purpose. Think about all of those dreams you only ever thought would be dreams. You may not have pinpointed your own ‘purpose’ yet but may have a number of interests that can help fulfill your deepest dreams. Have a piece of paper close by so that you can jot down any ideas that pop into your head. Make a ‘brainstorming tree’ and put each of these ideas as a branch. If you feel that you need help to fulfill your purpose then contact Coach DQ.

Don’t be discouraged, it is absolutely possible for you to take charge and begin living life to obtain your life purpose. This may take some help, and that is where your trusty coach comes into action! If you already feel a pull towards your life purpose but need some advice than contact me at http://coachdq.com/ to learn more!

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, BLOG OR WEBSITE? Please do, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Dawn Quesnel, CPCC, PCC, known as Coach DQ, is a professional coach, radio show host and workshop leader. Through the use of her B.R.I.D.G.E. programs she helps marketing, advertising, and creative entrepreneurs navigate career or business transition while maintaining a healthy career-life balance. Her core belief that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, consistently leads clients to uncover hidden resources and strengths. B.R.I.D.G.E. the gap and accelerate your career so you can love your life now! Visit www.CareerLifeBalance.net or http://www.coachdq.com today or for more information email me.

Helpful Hints for Job Seekers

Monday, September 19th, 2011

If you’re in a job search right now, you may feel like your resume is getting stuck in the pipeline, and that you’re not getting the attention you deserve. Here are some key points to help you get noticed in this crowded market.

Create a Profile Resume. Otherwise known as a Networking Resume, this is an overview of who you are and what you do. It lists your accomplishments, awards and accolades, and education, and gives a generalized summary of your previous work experience. When you meet contacts at networking events or online, this is what you should be giving them.

When interviewing or prospecting, don’t formally submit a resume until you’ve asked for the job description. When you know the specifics of the position you’re applying for, you can tailor your resume to match.

 Use LinkedIn to research the company or companies you want to work for. You can use the Advanced Search feature for this. See if you have any second– or third-degree links to the people who make hiring decisions, and use those connections to get your resume into the right hands.

When you schedule your interview, get the details. With whom will you be interviewing? What is his or her title or role in the current project? How much time will be scheduled for your meeting? These are very basic questions, but many people forget to ask them.  When writing a cover letter, don’t address it To whom it may concern. Yes, this is standard business letter-writing procedure but if you can get the name of the hiring manager who’ll be interviewing you, you’ll be able to personalize your letter in a way that gets you noticed. If you can’t track down the hiring manager, submit your cover letter to the head of the HR department. You can also use LinkedIn to search contacts who might be able to walk your resume to the hiring manager.

Don’t put yourself in a company’s database until you’re certain you’ve made a contact there. When you’re already in the database, you don’t get as much face or phone time. Once you’ve scheduled an interview, you’ll have plenty of time to enter your information.

Think of these strategies as good detective work. Get curious about the companies and people you’re considering an association with. Remember, when it comes to your pipeline, quality is always better than quantity. The better-prepared you are, and the more awareness you cultivate, the more likely you are to land the job you really want.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

power of positive thinking Have you ever noticed that it’s a lot easier to say something negative about someone than it is to say something positive? We all want the people around us to do their jobs and do them well — but if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of criticism, you know that it isn’t always the best motivator.

People are more likely to work hard and give energy to a project if they feel as though they are a part of it, and as though their efforts make a difference in the grander scheme of things. Whether you’re a team leader, manager, or business owner, it’s important to hone your compliment-giving skills and practice employee recognition.

Here are some ways to make your positive feedback go even further:

Don’t wait. When you see something going right, say so with positive feedback.
Don’t be vague. “Good job, Bob” can sometimes feel like a pat on the head. Tell the person why they’re doing a good job, and why their efforts matter.
Don’t hush it up. Don’t pull someone into your office to congratulate him or her. Do it in front of a group — and if possible, in front of superiors.
Don’t be afraid to jazz it up. If someone’s efforts were a big deal, make the acknowledgement a big deal too. Balloons, a catered lunch, an applauding boardroom — all these go above and beyond to make sure the person knows he or she is appreciated. Just make sure that the scope of the acknowledgement fits the scope of the achievement, so things stay fair.
Don’t ignore the small stuff. Sometimes, it’s the little details that keep a big project on track.
Don’t say it just to say it. Insincere complements feel at best like lip service and at worst like insults. If you’re going to praise someone, make sure you mean it.

If you have a hard time giving sincere complements, ask yourself why. Do you feel that good work should be expected, not praised? Are you uncomfortable accepting complements yourself? Are you afraid that your employees will get “big heads?” If any of these are the case, just ease yourself into the practice of offering acknowledgement. And while you’re at it, make sure you’re giving yourself credit for your own good work, too.

Recognize The Signposts In Your Life & Stop Burnout!

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

I’ve worked with a lot of clients who have burned themselves out. Long automobile commutes and too much time spent sitting at a desk in front of a computer can lead to hip, back, and neck problems. Too much stress can lead to chronic fatigue, depression, and even adrenal failure. Too little sleep or eating on the run can cause digestive issues.

So how do you know when enough is enough? For most people, there are clear warning signs, known as “signposts”, that it’s all becoming just too much. And too often, these signposts are ignored, because we all think we can power through. Sometimes it takes a full-blown crisis to make us slow down and take a clear look at what’s going on. And what do we call it when that happens? Burnout.

A signpost by definition is a noun:

1. a post bearing a sign that gives information or guidance.
2. any immediately perceptible indication, obvious clue, etc.

Signposts come in all shapes and sizes and can be anything depending on how you look at it. For example:

loss of someone or something
a rare circumstance or situation
a word or phrase that keeps popping up
a person you keep bumping into
missing a promotion for the 2nd or 3rd time
a part of your body that gets sore around the holidays
a new manager or merger
a new idea or project/challenge

Signposts don’t have to be simply physical either. Sometimes, grace just taps you on the shoulder but it’s your choice as to whether you follow or stubbornly stick to what you’re supposed to be doing.

If you keep getting similar signposts perhaps it’s time to start paying attention!

I first learned about signposts right after my brother passed and someone suggested I read Cheryl Richardson’s book, “The Unmistakable Touch of Grace”. She’s a pioneer in the coaching industry, author of several books, was a regular on Oprah, and was recently inducted into the ICFNE (International Coach Federation New England) Hall of Fame. The book completely changed my perspective on everything and I’ve been recommending it ever since!

One of my personal signposts is my lower back. If I am in the car for too long or sit for too long for weeks on end, sciatica starts to kick in. I take that as a signpost to exercise and stretch more regularly. Often times I’ve noticed when my lower back is aching it’s due to lack of self-support and that I am spreading myself too thin. Anytime I’m not taking good care of myself, my lower back starts to nag me. Time for a massage, reiki, self care, spa day, etc! The message is clear that I need to take care of myself. When I listen, the pain goes away within a day or two. When I don’t, I can end up feeling crippled for weeks. And if I don’t give myself some down time every once in a while, my body will do it for me in a really spectacular way! Have you had a similar experience? Have you been noticing a theme, message, or signpost in your career or life?

It is common to have signposts happen in a series of significant events in your life. Could be positive and/or negative, all depending on how you look at it. After reading the book I viewed my brothers death as a signpost, I didn’t recognize at first how the book helped me to better cope a little more.

Something else I learned and are commonly missed as a signpot are intestinal symtoms which quite often are triggerd by stress or emotional upset. So, if you find yourself contending with intestinal pain whenever things get rough at the office, there’s a good chance it’s not just the cheeseburgers!

Learn to recognize your signposts and respond to them with compassion. You don’t always have to be the superhero. Except when you are Is the job you’re dying to get to really worth the pain to your body or the daily headaches that come along with it? Is the paycheck you get from your corporate position really worth that peptic ulcer? Is running your own company really enjoyable if you’re living on four hours sleep a per night? If the answer is no, it might be time to consider making a change before burnout forces you to. At least that way it will be a change you choose and not one that’s chosen for you.

In the end, it all comes back to balance. There’s no reason you can’t handle a long commute, an angry boss or a crazy schedule if (and it’s a very big if) you take the time to baby yourself when you need it. If you need further justification for self-care, studies show that workers who are under stress work at only 60% of their maximum capacity. If you think about it that way, taking an afternoon off to recharge can actually make the rest of your week more productive!

This week, try to identify your common signposts. Maybe it’s:

increased irritability at work
a physical symptom
that person you’ve been talking with about starting a new venture

Then, make an effort to care and set yourself up appropriately when these signposts present themselves.

Feel free to share your signposts and the lessons they’ve taught you below. I’d love to hear from you!

What Are Your Hot Buttons? Issues, people, or situations that get under your skin!

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

Hot buttons are issues, people, or situations that really get you worked up. They’re triggers, and if they’re pushed hard enough, they can make you explode. They’re different for everyone, but we all have them.

So, what really gets under your skin?

If you’re running into conflicts in your business or workplace, chances are someone or something is pushing your buttons. Even the expression, “Pushing your buttons,” implies reactivity. When you push a button, something happens. Maybe the floodgates of emotion are thrown open — or maybe a nuclear missile is launched toward the desk of Mr. X, who is such a pompous ass. The thing is, your hot buttons are a “you thing” — meaning, they’re reactions based on prior experience or emotion. When you understand why certain people and things set you off, you can start to work with your buttons to make them less sensitive.

The first step toward resolving hot button issues is understanding. Maybe your father never gave you credit for hard work, so it really goes up your butt when people fail to acknowledge your efforts, and you find yourself working doubly hard and getting doubly irritated in response. Maybe you’re shy about expressing your opinion, so it feels like a personal attack when someone else does so easily and confidently — especially when you know that what you have to say has more value to the situation. Maybe you really detest suck-ups and lackeys. Maybe you loathe know-it-alls. Maybe ignorance slays you. Maybe you hate talking about money, or sex, or politics. Maybe it really bothers you when people don’t agree with your opinions on subjects close to your heart. The question is, why?

Unless someone is acting immorally or unethically, or violating the law — in which case the situation should be addressed by the proper authorities — consider looking inward when conflict arises, instead of reacting outwardly. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself why this person or situation really bothers you. “Well, he’s a jerk” isn’t an acceptable answer here. Instead, ask, “Why does he come across as a jerk to me? What about his behavior bothers me, and why?”

The answers you find might surprise you. Here’s an example. One acquaintance of mine was really bothered by her coworker. He never stayed late to finish projects, he never came in on weekends, and he never appeared ruffled or stressed. Sure, he made his deadlines, but he cut it close. “He’s such a slacker,” she would fume to herself. “How the hell does he get away with it?” After all, if she was running around like a madwoman, barely keeping up, there was no way he could be doing his job. It was like he didn’t even care. Worse, it was like their boss didn’t even care! Was she the only one with anything invested in this operation?

This internal dialogue went on for months. But when she examined her hot buttons, my acquaintance realized that her coworker bothered her not because he was a really a slacker, but because in comparison to her own overwork and perfectionism, he looked like he was doing less. He wasn’t getting away with the bare minimum: he was fulfilling his job requirements admirably, and their boss knew it. The fact that she felt the need to go above and beyond had nothing to do with him. He simply didn’t share her sense of martyrdom around the job — and at the end of the day, he was probably happier for it.

This breakthrough led my acquaintance to several other very important realizations, including the fact that she actively disliked her job. She’d been trying to work harder and “better” in order to make up for the fact that she felt like a failure for wanting to quit! Once she turned her focus on herself, she was able to resolve the conflict with her coworker without making a scene or stirring up office drama — because in the end, her coworker really hadn’t been part of the conflict at all.

Of course, not all situations are so one-sided. But as Mencius said, “Never has a man who has bent himself been able to make other straight.” If you want to avoid conflict with the people around you, the best place to start is within yourself. Learn to tell when you’re in judgment, and when there’s really a moral or ethical issue. When you resolve your own internal conflicts, you turn off your hot buttons. Then, instead of igniting a raging fire, a push might only generate a puff of smoke.

You can learn more about common hot buttons by taking the online test at www.ggci.com/leadership-development/hbt.htm. There are lots of helpful tips about how to understand and modify your reactions to common workplace issues, and how you can be proactive around the issue in the future.

Are You an Innovator?

Monday, June 13th, 2011

It’s been said before: some people can sell anything! Whatever your passion, I bet you can find someone who has turned it into a business. All it takes is a little planning, and a heaping scoop of innovation. May these examples inspire you to take the next step in perusing your passion.

Here are some examples of business innovation from entrepreneur.com. Text is excerpted from the site. Click on the links to read the full articles.

A Social Entrepreneur Helps Homeless Dogs. “In November, [Shane O’Neill] launched Royal Bitch Couture, a clothing company based in Brentwood, Calif., to help homeless dogs by donating 50 percent of its profits to organizations around the country that spay and neuter animals…”
An Atlanta entrepreneur helps turn unmentionable business into a fancy affair. “Entrepreneur: Christine Sweeney, founder of Atlanta Watercloset, which offers boutique portable restrooms for outdoor events in the metro Atlanta area…”
Eco-Conscious Entrepreneurs Clean Up with a Soap Business. “A couple turns restaurants’ cooking oil into soap — and sells it back to the establishments.”
A Surprising Business Idea. “Entrepreneurs: Tania Luna, Kat Dudina and Maya Gilbert, founders of Surprise Industries, a New York company that plans surprise events for individuals and businesses. Think trapeze lessons, private beer tastings and a zombie birthday party complete with actors in costume and a terrifying alleyway ambush — the possibilities are endless.”

As you can see, even the most obscure crafts and hobbies can be lucrative with the right planning and support. From baking to crafts, from homemade cosmetics to homegrown activism, I’ve seen it all, and I’ve seen it work. Take a hint from those who are already living their business dreams, and remember: just because your business hasn’t been done before doesn’t mean it can’t be done!

Who’s the Doormat and Who’s The Door?

Saturday, June 11th, 2011

In this post we take a look at how tolerations and boundaries impact our lives. So, what are you tolerating? Where do you and where don’t you set boundaries? When do you feel that you lie down and get walked on? When do you step fully through the doorways that are important to you? If you live for career life balance, then it is easier to define what is important and how to get more of it.

That’s the good news; the other news is that life is a journey. The other day I finished up a meeting and got into my car with a sigh. This sigh was a mix of frustration, anger and relief. Isn’t it amazing that one breath can contain so much? And then, as I began to think, the frustration and anger parts began to take over. I had just left a situation where I was definitely the doormat, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t say what I wanted, I didn’t articulate how I saw the situation, and worst of all, I committed to doing some things that I didn’t want to do, on a timeline that didn’t suit my schedule and for a fee that didn’t honor the value I brought to the situation or had committed to making. What was going on?

Does this sound familiar? It happens to all of us in one form or another when we aren’t living according to our values and vision. This is especially true when we are negotiating around money and time. We are so committed to giving our clients great service and caring for our families that we forget two things. First, if we live from our values, we can create the boundaries for what is really important. Second, we have a good handle what matters, we don’t get upset about the small stuff and we don’t tolerate things that don’t meet our goals.

The flip side of the toleration coin is control. The flip side of the boundaries coin is acceptance. When we don’t feel in control, we begin to “tolerate” things we don’t agree with, like clients that don’t treat us well and getting mad at traffic because we didn’t leave on time. The glass feels half empty instead of half full. And, we can work this downward spiral all the way to the floor – becoming doormats.

When we know our boundaries and live to honor them, we have the space to choose when we open the door, or close it and go see what’s at the window. Creating and understanding boundaries allows us to see and accept alternatives more easily.

So, pick up the doormat and shake out the dirt. The following tips will help you reduce what you’re tolerating, frame the doorways that give you fulfillment and open the door to career life balance.

Know what’s important. Think about and write down your values. These are the foundations for creating your boundaries, and as important, they allow you to prioritize what is truly important.

Notice what is happening. This is one of the easiest ways to avoid getting into toleration mode. Try this test – spend the next 24 hours separating yourself from what is happening. Take your daily commute, which involved circumstances that are wholly separate from you, like traffic volume and the actions of other drivers. These are circumstances – not you! You are a complete being unto yourself. You get to decide how you want to handle the drive. You choose whether to take a deep breath and not get stressed out, whether to gun it when someone moves into your lane, or ease up on the gas and let them in. Be crazy – smile at everyone you pass on the way to work one day. Play with noticing how you are choosing to be and how it works for you.

Set your boundaries in accordance with your values. As you become aware of circumstance, you can notice where your values are being honored, or not. On a personal level, regular eating is required. Yet, many of us choose not to eat lunch because we’re too busy. We choose to work over feeding our engines. No wonder we feel like we are tolerating situations. We’re literally running on empty! So, a boundary can be as simple as “I get to eat something at least once every 6 hours. Boundaries allow us to focus on what is important. Another example may be that you provide the most value by working for clients in a certain way and this requires getting paid a certain rate. Set your boundary for your rates and stick to them. See what happens. You may need to bend occasionally, but creating the boundary means that you are consciously choosing, not getting walked on.

Accept circumstance and tenaciously go after what’s important. When you separate yourself from circumstance, you get to choose what happens for you, not to you. You can’t change busy work days and you can figure out how to eat anyway. This isn’t rocket science – order in, bring a power bar and an apple, schedule email responses just twice a day and simply take lunch. This is where tenacity comes in and the rubber meets the road. If you aren’t willing to make some changes to reduce your tolerations, then you aren’t as aggravated as you think you are. Stop whining and get on with your life. However, if you are, then recognize that there may be some sacrifices, like going to bed 30 minutes earlier so you can get up and make lunch in the morning.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. We live in the richest country on this planet. Most of us have safe homes and enough to eat, which gives us time to worry about the little things. Make a list of what you complain about and then compare it to what you hold dear. Are you getting sidetracked by the details instead of going for the big wins? What boundaries would help you focus on the big picture? One example, “I won’t join the daily whine-fest about traffic when I get into the office. I’ll say good morning and get to work so that I can eat lunch today.”

Remember that you always have a choice about how you react or not to circumstance. Know what it’s important, write down your boundaries and get creative about reducing what you tolerate.

3 Toxic Work Situations That Could Be Affecting You In Your Job

Monday, May 16th, 2011

I recently gave a seminar for MBA alumni at Simmons College. When we started the talk, I asked the attendees, How many of you are currently in a job search?. A smattering of them raised their hands. How many of you own your own businesses? Again, a few hands went up.

Then, I asked, How many of you work, or have worked, in what you feel is a toxic environment? Nearly everyone in the room raised their hands. When I asked, How many of you have been in that situation twice or more? the response was almost the same.

My immediate feeling was one of shock. But then, when I thought about how many of my clients struggle to free themselves from negative professional patterning, it began to make sense. Over and over, people end up in the same situations, with the same issues. It’s like that song by The Who: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

So, what makes us gravitate toward unhealthy work environments? Do we like being used and abused?

The answer may be yes. Subconsciously, we tend to seek out situations that reinforce our ingrained patterns and insecurities. We do it in marriages, in friendships, and at work. We develop a love-hate relationship with toxicity a co-dependence, if you will.

If you consistently find yourself in the same old boat with the same boss and the same stack of problems, it’s time to look within. The solution to your problems probably doesn’t lie in finding a new job, but in finding a new perspective about how you operate within your job.

Toxic Situation #1: You’re starved for recognition. No matter how hard you work, you can’t seem to get anyone to notice. Your solution is to work harder, faster, better, and longer because someone has to pay attention eventually. Possible Cause: Fear of Success. Maybe you think you want recognition but are you uncomfortable with complements when they come? Do you deflect praise with modesty? Are you afraid that, if your efforts are recognized, that you’ll have to step up and become what you know you’re capable of being? Is it easier for you to labor in obscurity than to admit that you’re not operating at your full potential?

Toxic Situation #2: You’re being abused. There’s a difference between a boss who fails to recognize your efforts and a boss who is outright cruel. If you’re in a situation where your superiors routinely belittle you, embarrass you, or take advantage of you, it’s time to take a good long look at yourself. While their behavior is probably a result of their own insecurities and issues, you’re the one who is putting up with it and therefore acknowledging that such treatment is acceptable to you. Possible Cause: Familiarity. Ask yourself why you feel it’s acceptable for others to treat you this way. What do you feel you’re proving by trying to please them despite their actions toward you? Be warned: these simple questions can bring up some deep issues. Most of the people I’ve worked with who endure abuse at the hands of their employers have also endured abuse in other areas of their lives whether at the hands of a parent, a sibling, or a spouse.

Toxic Situation #3: You’re always butting heads with your boss. Some arguments can be healthy. But if you’re always at odds with your boss, chances are there’s a power struggle happening there and that you’re contributing to it by engaging in it. Possible Cause: Jealousy. This works two ways: either your boss is threatened by your competence, or you’re threatened by your bosses competence. Sometimes, we deal with our fear of being wrong by shouting louder that we’re right. If your boss is intimidated by you, it’s really not your problem but instead of feeling superior about it, try to be compassionate. If you’re jealous of your bosses position, power, or prestige, ask yourself why you want these things. What do you feel you need to prove by sustaining conflict? Who do you hope will notice that you’re right and your boss is wrong and why is it important to you that they notice?

Of course, there are numerous other toxic situations that occur in the workplace; those above are just a few of the most common. Recognizing your own patterns in work and in life can go a long way toward helping you create a healthy, sustainable, and rewarding work situation.

If you want to learn more about how coaching can help you identify and release these patterns, read J.F.s case study[B1] . By getting to know herself, J.F. was able to move beyond the cycle of toxicity and into a job she truly enjoys!

CoachDQ

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